If life is a circus...

In Entertaining the Elephant, by William McBride, Mr. Reaf, expresses great despair...
On page 54, he cries, "Don't you see?  If I change, it means I'm admitting I've been wrong.  If I change, it means that for fifteen years I've been wasting kids' lives.  And I didn't want to do that." 
The dilemma Mr. Reaf has put himself in is that he is in a state of conviction.  Convictions can become cages.  Would he continue to create pain, dis-ease, inefficiency, and despair to maintain his lie to self?  Letting go is the wisdom we all seek when we resist white-knuckled the ride of life.  Our "circus" can be filled with open-hearted innocence, fun, health, creativity, and kindness or it can be about deception, control, mistrust, and ego. 
Burn-out can be called many things.  It is a deadening of the senses, spirit struggling in the ashes and waste.  The scene from Disney's Fantasia 2 where sweet, green, innocent, growth is seemingly burnt-out in the finale is how any who have felt depression or burn-out or despair picture themselves. 
The belief that there is too much to fear, to fight, to strive for, is the only thing keeping the ashes that smother.  Letting go, sometimes with a tear drop, opens up wide great possibility. 
Burn-out is a result of teaching, living, seeing, from a place of ego.  We all have gone to that place where it becomes about our perception of ourselves and our corresponding definition of success.
It is not a pretty place.  Those around us can tell when we are working form the "me, me, me," mindset.  If life becomes a circus, which, it inevitably does, our choice each moment is to decide what sort of participant we will be in that experience.  Are we looking at everything on the fairway of this carnival of life like a vulture?  Are we eyeing it all with a greedy motive?  If your words in your mind sound like this, "What can I get from all these people so that I come out on top?  How will they make me look more successful?"  or "If I can't control them, then, I am a failure." then, the positive results in your life, in every aspect of your life, health, creativity, and inspiration will be lacking. 
Burn-out is a direct result of setting an ego-based definition of success for one's self and holding onto that definition too tightly. 
If quotes like these from Entertaining the Elephant, are haunting your fairway, your heart, your mind, it is a result of fear-based thinking.  If you take Mr. Reaf's words here and think of things that creep into your own mind, it takes one aback.
"Do you know what it's like to teach kids that don't care?" or to be surrounded by those that don't care?
"It took me years and years to work out this system.  But, every year now, with only a few minor adjustments, because of holidays and assemblies, I know exactly what I'll be teaching on each and everyday."  or if I am sure of everything, I feel in control.
"I developed a new persona.  I deadened myself to this job so it wouldn't kill me.  I created a teaching system so I could expend my energy on keeping control and surviving from day to day." 
The fear comes from a few places.  There is a tendency to go to routine or to stay with what is "known" when fear is a root in the mind.  Mr. Reaf speaks of his worry about being "killed" emotionally and even, physically.  People that live in fear will begin a dormant, survival, mode.
Letting go of the ego-based definition would (and does) help him realize he doesn't have to "manage" or control the students, he just needs to leap out of survival mode and into learning mode, for both, himself and for his students. 

Each day we learn we recognize we have much more to learn.  When that concept is embraced, ego has no part in our circus. 
The shady wants of creepy vendors disappear.  There is no one out to "take" you or make you out for naïve.  There is no one manipulating animals or others by threat or "breaking of the spirit."
These concepts don't belong in your open-hearted circus. 
Live by example the experience you want to feel, to create, to teach, and then, the only events allowed in your light-filled circus are ones with people with great and varied talents and experiences and strengths.  All that will be in your circus, will be the thrilling ride of letting go, putting your hands up and trusting the bumps, curves, highs and lows and sways of the ride.  Don't let the goal to be to never attend your own circus or worse, yet, blind yourself to the marvels around you by focusing on your role as master with chair and whip in hand.